Making a slow return, ready to let winter invigorate my inspiration.
Dreaded beating of the heart.
Basics of life; too difficult to function.
Facilitating death of the soul.
They attempt CPR.
Throw help in the form of divine light.
And her name hovers in the hostile air.
As the bitter taste approaches,
Familiarity edges forward.
Remembering the pain.
The inner ache.
And she asks,
“How did I get here again?”
Life mapped to avoid this detour.
Yet she returned to the spot.
The spot where it all happened.
Where traumas never die and life never prospers.
Maybe it isn’t a place.
But more like the weather.
And just like the weather it will pass.
Musky night sky,
With the lingering smell of yesterday,
And the perfumed scent of tomorrow.
The wrongs of the days passed,
Will be the rights of the days to come.
Lest we waste the time of the past on the condolences of the future.
Be today, to be alive.
Be the seconds, for they add up to the minutes.
If that is true then truely your hours will be your days.
With ownership – lead your life.
With remembrance – He never promised a tomorrow.
With steadfast – like the wind which never stops blowing in spite of its destination.
With Sabr – believe in His plan, and disappointment will steer clear.
With eemaan – illuminate your darkness.
With eyes – lower in humility and modesty.
With tongue – be wary of its evil and keep Dhikr alive.
With hands – give. Always give. Help. Always help.
With heart – Keep Him at home and remain determined to discourage any replacement.
With love – find your way back, call Him, read His words.
And may He unlock the chains around my heart. Ameen.
I asked to climb through his branches,
Looked at his leaves.
Knowing the importance of each one.
Taking my time to read the inscription of his life.
Thinking this is my last chance.
Once, he was so smooth. So young.
But age has roughened him.
Each dip an experience.
Each edge a near miss.
Each bump a memory
At his base, a crack from the woman who tried to saw him down.
She too climbed through his branches,
And caused the shedding of leaves which will never grow back!
She burned his life to the ground.
He lives closed off and never exposes those leaves again.
They no longer grow.
Their secrets hidden in the trunk.
His reluctance to allow me up.
But my siren calls and soothing voice;
Moving to the beat of the wind.
As I reach higher and higher.
The branches become more fragile.
If I’m not careful I could be the result of his breakdown.
So I jump down into the pit of his fallen autumn leaves.
And decided to start there.
Learn all his falls, lost memories, all of his insignificant significant memories.
Revising his past endeavours so I could best support his new ones.
Now my dream is to strengthen him.
So one day we can both sit at the top;
Stargaze and be enriched by the sun.
So blessed to have supportive friends. Photo given by my beautiful friend. I don’t feel my recent pieces have been powerful. But I do believe they are building up to something immense. Have a blessed Sunday.
Trees are beautiful. They are the perfect representation of years of struggle and growth. Growing against all conditions, forever trying to touch the sun. Conditioning their selves to face the light, cast mighty shadows. Being selfish yet charitable.
Their bark, their trunk tortured, broken yet always growing out from the core. Battered and bruised on the hard exterior. Scars never running deep into the core, they are left on the surface. As a display of strength.
Leaves fall and new ones grow. Some ripped, some teared, some broken and some holding on for dear life. When leaves fall, know they grow back brighter, whole and refreshed. If the leaf is only partially there, know that it’s fine to be hurt and in pain. It’s fine to be missing apart of you. Because it grows back, stronger and sometimes you blossom with the sweet scent of flowers. That is when you remember they can never steal everything from you because you still hold on things which you have yet to discover.
The branches are weakest at the tip, getting thinner but more innovative. Never be afraid to branch out to grow further because in the end you will always have your centre if it doesn’t work out.
As we get closer to the top, the leaves stop layering, the experiences all start adding up and the closer we get to our centre you realise the leaf at the top is a total representation of you as it will be the last fall whilst blissfully wishing the world goodnight with no grudges.
Glistening sea breeze,
This is not love;
It is the can’t breath,
Flutter in the stomach,
Incapable of doing anything,
Mind invading kind of feeling.
Is that not lust?
Who am I fooling?
Spellbound by a few words.
Lost in the games.
Unable to face reality.
This is not lust;
Incapable of doing anything,
Flutter in the stomach,
It’s the can’t breath kind of feeling.
Is that not love?
Baby cupid’s dragons,
Everything comes and goes. Even the old man who has lived at that same address since he was born. He has come and gone. Every time he breathed and moved, he changed. So the man he was a moment a go was not the man he was now.
We think of forever, always assuming we have another day, another second. But you do not know your Maker, death could be around the corner or in the near distant future. Yet we foolishly think we will live for longer. Dreaming about the day when we will get married, have kids and watch them grow and start their own family. How ideally sadistic we are. Living for something we have no control of. Winding our days out for that special moment, only to meet your soul snatched and see your future become a once upon time. There is only life and death. Death is a certainty, but life is a privilege.
What became a common phrase amongst the people a few years ago ceases to be mention “The motto is YOLO”. It truly did only live once. Yes you only have one shot at life but for every day you wake up refreshed and revitalised that’s another shot, because this temporary world hasn’t come to an end.
Living for the forever moments, waiting for the key of happiness to be found in hopeless fulfilment and endeavours. We only live for the moments that make us happy in whatever form that is. No one lives for sadness. If you’ve ever glanced at an article about self-improvement or being a happy, most, if not all, say one thing “Happiness is within you”. Emotions were placed in you from the dawn of time – love, sadness, jealousy, anger and yes, happiness.
Love is one that exist between two entities. It only fathoms between two identities. Loving yourself is not the same as loving someone else. It’s a different kind of devotion. It is also the only one which can invoke all the other emotions. Our mere existence is based on a ‘act of love’. I say that loosely as I am aware it may not be the case for all. As a Muslim and as many others from Faith background we believe we were bought into this world due to the love, mercy and kindness of our Creator – Allah. But clearly Islam says love for Allah was placed in our hearts, because when He granted you life, blew your very soul into your body you fell in love. Fell in love with the Al-Muhyi (Giver of Life).
Allah is not temporary, so you will never lose Him. You may lose your way, but the beauty of Islam is it reiterates rahmah (mercy). Just like a coursing river if it bends and turns away, if its waters become dirty – it finds its way back. The fine droplets evaporate leaving the dirt behind and eventually returns to the sea free of its debris – its burden. Be as the river, shed your debris (whether that be in tears or physical objects) and slowly but truly your heart will find rest it will find its way back. So the tears you cried, will in the end be the sea in which it finds its freedom. You can love whom you please and whatever you please but this love should never replace the love you have for your Lord – that is your gravity keeping you centred not to this dunya but to the fate to accompany you in the Hereafter.
One question posed many time is the belief of one God and Hereafter. How can I believe it without seeing it? I can feel it but I can’t make you feel it. I can tell you how it feels, I can bring up all the arguments from the Quran, from the time before Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) and from my surroundings which even though I do not need proof, give me confirmation. But there are more knowledgable people out there who provide better explanations and reasonings. All I can say is my soul is caged in the prison of this Dunya – this is a prison to our desires, lusts, wants and greed. And I found freedom in knowing this is all temporary, I found peace in my soul when I went looking for my dear eemaan (faith). Whether you believe in any form of religion or not – know this world is not everlasting science has proven that. One day the Sun will collapse it will die and with that all life on Earth will cease to exist. Eventually a black hole will swallow it alive with physical being and time surrounding it disappearing and a universe will stand where nothing remembers there was once an Earth.
So knowing nothing is lasting, arm yourself with the knowledge that whatever pain you are going through it will pass. Friends and family you hold dear will pass whether in death or distancing – that’s okay. Life goes on. The world will always keep turning and changing. Do not expect something to last forever, just enjoy what it is offering to you today. Live everyday without the regrets and apologies of tomorrow. It is easy to become comfortable, which leads to idleness. But that time which you sat in comfort could have been the time you found another smile, another crest to add to life experiences and another moment when your soul danced freely amongst the beauty of the world we have been bestowed with. Never become stuck to the temporary, nothing was given a forever pass.
These are my words for myself, I speak from what I have only discovered recently and I talk of ideal state of mind which I am still striving to achieve. In all honesty I know nothing but these are my observations and take from them what you will.
“Be in this world as though you were a stranger or a traveller/wayfarer.” – Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) –
Lemon drops and crystal falls,
As humans we wonder and wander. We think what could be and has been. How it comes to be and will be. From place to place. From destination to destination. Naturally then locking yourself in doors kills the soul. Dampens it. And here it comes… The dreaded sadness. Feeling of incomplete, isolation and lack of self worth. Because if you were worth anything you would be out?
Interesting. No? Our minds are continuously active and give them nothing to ponder over, they will ponder over you. Overthink, anger, sadness and jealousy become entities within your soul and begin to shred it apart. BUT… when you stick your head out, when you tumbled out of your room and the first drops of rain hit your face or the sunlight creeps under your skin and sleeps – ALIVE. That’s when you feel it. The beauty of the world. The coarsing energy of the earth. You don’t need to go far to travel. But just far enough – outside your comfort zone, outside the four walls that contain you. Spectate the world, feel it’s goodness. I am Muslim, so going out into the world seeing its beauty reminds me of my Lord. It settles my spiritual part of me. Finds comfort and resolution and all I say is ‘Subhanallah’.
Have you tried to read a book outside, make dua whilst engrossed in grass and comforted by the shade of a tree. Believe me it is amazing. The moment you shout your problems in the rain mentally and you feel the pool of rain on the floor seeing it has cleansed you of your pain. The moment you use your finger tips to catch a raindrop. Push your head back so the drops can slide down your face. Or when you want every part of your body to soak up the sun. That the parts which the skin is exposed feel priviledged to be greeted by light. I look at trees and see struggle and growth. I look at flowers and see the beauty of being different. I see animals and see that humans are no different. I hold a greenfly and beg it fly away because am scared but I don’t want to clip it’s wing. I stare at the marvels in front of me and I am grateful to be able to see, smell, taste, hear and touch it all. Soul is enriched. So if you do anything go out. Doesn’t matter where. No music. No distraction and just wonder and wander.