Based on a old post to inspire anyone going through a struggle or like myself are worried about exams. Trusting someone whom is not physically there, or can’t not be seen has been mankinds greatest difficulty. We are not the first, nor will we be the last. But my whole life I was told to believe in a Lord and I did as I was told. I believed. I no longer just believed, I knew. The world, my experiences and life itself connected together to show me His existence. For those who are familiar with Surah Rahman, a single ayat repeated several times “Of which of these favours of your Lord will you deny?” (paraphrased). In that particular Surah I feel addresses mankinds need for confirmation.
My blessings came in many forms. And I look over the last couple of years, I was always being tested for my ability to trust in Allah. Some say trust the universe and in essence it is a similar concept, but would my trust not be better placed in the Creator of the universe. I am still alive and this is a miracle. Having faced near death at least 4 times in the last 3 years; I feel privileged to be alive and live everyday like tomorrow may not exist. Somedays this is easier then others and somedays, I need this reminder more than anything. I’ve seen my prayers manifest in such a way my heart has been opened to see the answers and responses to my prayers and be forever grateful. Alhamdulilah. I didn’t need this to confirm the existance of Allah because I made that connection a while back, via salaah and ‘ilm (knowledge). Don’t blindly follow – seek knowledge from the appropriate sources, only that way will you learn to know Allah and begin to build that trust. The very trust which will give you freedom from the heartbreaks of this Dunya. Have a blessed night and may Allah always shower you with love and success in all your endeavours.
“…And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a (decreed) extent.” – Holy Quran (65:3)
I choose to be present.
In every moment and lingering feeling.
I choose to feel the ground below me.
Let the vibrations shudder through me.
The tightness in the chest, as the heart beats a little faster.
It has found resolve in being aligned with time.
Not a beat ahead or a second behind.
With every breath, with every rise and fall of the chest,
I stand a little taller.
I choose to be present.
Make use of warmth
Bought by the touch of skin.
Hands revealing maps of lesser travelled routes.
Determined to follow what we know.
I choose to be free.
From the constraints of history lessons and future plans.
I choose to soar.
To be amongst the stars.
Let the sun soak into the depths of my skin.
Let the moon make me glisten.
I choose to live.
And we are back here again; 748 days later I am staring into the abyss. Afraid of returning. Back to a world I barely escaped. How many wars have I fought? But the enemy doesn’t go away. The omens, the signs are all there for it’s return. I can see it hiding in the shadows, behind corners and amoungst the memories of former feelings. How many more times will I have to declare “I am stronger and I will defeat this”. Will this be my final battle cry?
Alhamdulilah. One year, your life can be cast into the abyss. Actively seeking the light; an escape from the torment. Running away from oneself. Trapped by the demons, which inhabit your soul; created and fed with our very own hands.
It is not your fault, the circumstances gave the demons life. The moments when life failed you, the world failed you. The only mistake you made was not standing up. Allowing the whispers to take you. The real wins are the failures. There are lessons only found once the dust has cleared. They reveal a rarity of something magnificent. An uncovering of your true soul. One not conditioned by society.
I am proud of myself. From where I’ve come, the whens, the whats and the whys. There were moments, when my mere existence in this very moment of time was questionable and not plausible. I take pride in my journey. Some may not understand it. People will judge. But the beauty is, it is MINE! What I have learnt over this year, is to not wait for the acknowledgement of others to be proud of my accomplishments. I am in no need of their approval or hand clapping. In life the only person truely in your corner is yourself. Only YOU know the depths of the difficulties YOU have over come, only YOU are aware of the strength you poured in when YOU had none. We live in a world which has conditioned us to only feel happy with ourselves at the approvals, likes, retweets, envious congratulations of others. Because we are always doing it for the gram, fb and tweeting till the sunrise. But whilst our face remains glued to the screen, we miss the beauty of the world for what it is and miss the most important part – the documenting of our journey. The journey we will play back as we see a new generation of kids and we rock back and forth, thanking life and preparing for life after the dunya.
Today’s marks the end of exams; all I have to say is I’ve made it. Some know that this spec of a moment right now is euphoria in righteous tears of something which was deemed unimaginable.
Am not going to lie, my heart wrenched a little when I read this.
Am I ever alone? If I have faith and place my trust in my Lord then I am never alone. Even when my senses are closed he is near. I don’t need to hear, see or feel Him. I just know He is and will always be there. This can be a concept difficult to gasp for some people. They might not understand it but I do. People wonder how the sahaba and prophets were so brave, because they knew they had Allah always. So no matter what they would find rest in knowing Allah was watching over them.
Sometimes we have to crawl through the dirt, get the scars and bruises to uncover what was hidden and relish in our new strength.
What is poppin people? Guess what – I’ve been writing again and the story is coming together. As ramadan is approaching I won’t be putting up the next part of the story until after the holy month has passed. So 15th August will be the release date. Here is a small teaser:
I’ve been meaning to write something for awhile but perfection takes awhile. For those who follow the story of ‘Untitled’ it’s on a freeze at the moment as my heads gone into a whirlwind of ideas. Everything I write or think of doesn’t sound right. But just as this story once was contrived suddenly in my brain it will come together again. Something will come up but am not entirely sure when. Inspiration can hit me at any time. Be patient and keep a look out.
Meanwhile what you can look forward to is a #100DaysOfIslam. To make me more spiritually aware and increase my knowledge about my religion I will do posts for a 100 days – similar to the Ramadan Diary. I know what your thinking, I failed on the 100 days of happiness but it’s because I got lazy. Hopefully I can stay motivated enough to do this.
Currently am working on making my blog more centred rather then mish mash of topics. But if you like mish mash let me know.
Thank you for all the support so far. I will write something soon I promise.
There is a void
Expanding below the surface
It is empty
No happiness can fill it
No sadness can satisfy it
Constantly there, staring at you
Paint over the darkness
An illustrated smile
No one is the wiser
No one digs deeper
Taking note of surface value
The void is preparation for the upcoming storm
Release the teary showers
The growling thunder
And the scarey lightning
My armour is packed!